Losing It

I just lost my temper with En and shouted at him. I shouted at him not to let the gate close with a "bang". This may seem trivial and does not warrant an angry shout. But I think his action was the straw that broke the camel's back. Today, he seemed to do many things that he knows he is not supposed to do. He climbed the front gate, went behind the sofa, touched the stem of the electric fan, refused to brush his teeth, did not listen to me when I spoke to him about obeying when spoken too, used a balloon stick to hit his Nai Nai (albeit lightly, for which I returned his gesture with a light caning on his hand). I threatened him with the cane a few times today, spoke to him seriously on the importance of obeying and tried hard to be patient with him. But, I ultimately lost my temper at the end of the day.

I felt bad for losing my temper after that. Afterall, he wasn't too well today. But, he kept testing the boundaries. Then, I thought maybe he has not been caned recently, which may explain why he keeps committing the acts of disobedience ('cos the consequences were he got off with being disobedient). Maybe I expect him to obey just because he understands me (his speaking and comprehension skills are pretty good, so I always expect him to obey).

My thinking and expectations of En is not biblical. I recalled that the Israelites clearly heard and understood God's commandments to them: to remain set apart and not become influenced by the ways of the pagans surrounding them. But as I also recall, the Lord is slow to anger and abounding in compassion. God was really patient with the Israelites and showed them abundant grace despite their disobedience time and again. His grace and richness of mercy was finally shown in and through Jesus' death on the cross. And yet, even when Jesus had died for us on the cross, we still disobey him time and again. This is the sinful nature of men and even though redeemed through his blood, we all still need His grace and strength to overcome our sins. When I think upon all these, I berate myself for being too demanding of my two year old. He is afterall only two years and four months. Just because he understands me does not mean his sinful nature will want to choose the path of obedience. Instead of being continously frustrated at his disobedience, I need to spend more time praying that his sinful heart will desire to obey his parents, his Nai Nai and God. It is really tough being a parent but as Christians, we know we have access to God through prayer, and I know that God will grant us His enabling power, grace and wisdom to guide us in parenting our children.