Tender-hearted

Today, we went for a wedding rehearsal where En was to be the pageboy for our dear cell group friend. He was not exactly excited about being the pageboy. For the first two tries, I held his hands and walked down with him. He had a very sweet little girl as his companion. She was holding a posy of plastic roses and was rather co-operative, trying her best to follow her mother's instructions on taking slow and steady steps. On the contrary, En wanted to break free from my hands, didn't want anyone forcing him to the start position (as some adults attempted to do as he seemed quite un-cooperative).

Finally, on the third try where he had to go by himself, holding hands with his companion, he kind of did it! He was being dragged along by the girl, slightly older (she would be 5 years old this year). And he kept looking at the tiled floors, covering his left eye with his hands and doing a rubbing eye motion! Some of us thought that it was cute and in my mind, I was just quite thankful that he was at least walking, albeit being dragged along. I knew that En was recently turning a bit shy, and more reticient, despite his outgoing and boisterous personality. In fact, the crowd cheered because the two little kids were walking by themselves, and I suspect particularly they were trying to encourage En because he was not very compliant in the first two tries. He finally made it to the end and I gave him a big hug and said he was "great!".

Just now, when I put En to bed, I re-affirmed him again that he did really well this evening, "En, mummy wants to tell you again that you were great this evening, when you walked down the aisle all by yourself with the little girl! I am so proud of you!". En was super tired but he said in a solemn voice, "mum, actually I was not so good." I was shocked to hear that and probed him. He answered, "because I covered my eye". When he said that, something just broke inside of me. So the kid knows, he knows that he did not execute the walk perfectly despite the applause and affirmations of his great performance. It is an important discovery and reminder to me that I should take my child's feelings seriously and not assume that just because they put on a look of nonchalence, that it reflects their heart's condition. They really know and are able to feel more than we think they do sometimes.