Losing It

I just lost my temper with En and shouted at him. I shouted at him not to let the gate close with a "bang". This may seem trivial and does not warrant an angry shout. But I think his action was the straw that broke the camel's back. Today, he seemed to do many things that he knows he is not supposed to do. He climbed the front gate, went behind the sofa, touched the stem of the electric fan, refused to brush his teeth, did not listen to me when I spoke to him about obeying when spoken too, used a balloon stick to hit his Nai Nai (albeit lightly, for which I returned his gesture with a light caning on his hand). I threatened him with the cane a few times today, spoke to him seriously on the importance of obeying and tried hard to be patient with him. But, I ultimately lost my temper at the end of the day.

I felt bad for losing my temper after that. Afterall, he wasn't too well today. But, he kept testing the boundaries. Then, I thought maybe he has not been caned recently, which may explain why he keeps committing the acts of disobedience ('cos the consequences were he got off with being disobedient). Maybe I expect him to obey just because he understands me (his speaking and comprehension skills are pretty good, so I always expect him to obey).

My thinking and expectations of En is not biblical. I recalled that the Israelites clearly heard and understood God's commandments to them: to remain set apart and not become influenced by the ways of the pagans surrounding them. But as I also recall, the Lord is slow to anger and abounding in compassion. God was really patient with the Israelites and showed them abundant grace despite their disobedience time and again. His grace and richness of mercy was finally shown in and through Jesus' death on the cross. And yet, even when Jesus had died for us on the cross, we still disobey him time and again. This is the sinful nature of men and even though redeemed through his blood, we all still need His grace and strength to overcome our sins. When I think upon all these, I berate myself for being too demanding of my two year old. He is afterall only two years and four months. Just because he understands me does not mean his sinful nature will want to choose the path of obedience. Instead of being continously frustrated at his disobedience, I need to spend more time praying that his sinful heart will desire to obey his parents, his Nai Nai and God. It is really tough being a parent but as Christians, we know we have access to God through prayer, and I know that God will grant us His enabling power, grace and wisdom to guide us in parenting our children.

The Ultimate Priority

I borrowed this post's title from the chapter of a book I have just finished reading (Thanks for lending it to me, HK!). The book's title is: "Bringing up Boys", written by Dr James Dobson.

James Dobson reminds the Christian parents that we should give the greatest emphasis to the spiritual development of our children. As parents, we have a God-given duty and commandment to bring our children to know the Lord and to make a decision to serve Him with their lives. Deuteronomy 6:6-9 in the Bible says this: "These commandments I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates."

He opined that all human beings will at one point in their lives have to consider the following questions:

• Who am I as a person?
• How did I get here?
  
• Is there a right or wrong way to believe and act?
• Is there a God, and if so, what does He expect of me?
• Is there life after death?
• How do I achieve eternal life, if it exists?
• Will I someday be held accountable for the way I have lived on earth?
• What is the meaning of life and death?

Dr Dobson said that we should begin this task of teaching our children about God and what He expects of them very early in childhood. "The earlier the better" when it comes to introducing our children to the Lord. Timing is critical. Based on some statistics of the Americans, a researcher had confirmed that it becomes progressively more difficult to influence children spiritually as they grow older. I believe this holds true for people of all nationalities, and not just Americans. I have also been previously informed that people turn to Christ mostly during the years of their tertiary education. Once they start working, you lose them to the world of careers advancement, achievement, power, sex, alcohol, the internet, marriage, parenthood etc.

Another good point he made is that the most effective teaching tool is from the modelling provided by parents at home. Children observe their parents in action at home and are strongly influenced by their parents. Not only are we to teach our children about the Lord, we are also to model Jesus Christ so that our children can model themselves after us, and ultimately, the Lord himself.

For En and Yi, I try to read the children's bible with them regularly. I even make up bed-time stories about a Little Dolphin attending church, being kind to those who need help. These stories are helpful for reference when I need to re-inforce a christian lesson in En's mind! The daily disciplines of thanking God for providing food to us, praying for family and others (lest we become self-absorbed) are a must as well. During bible studies, we try to let En join in so that grows up in a church family and learns to keep quiet during bible studies (honestly, this is tough, sometimes he is good, sometimes a real nuisance with his noise!). I also bring En along when visiting other ladies so that he knows and partakes in a fellowship which is about mutual encouragement.

May this post be an encouragement to all the parents who have been diligent in teaching scripture to their children and being christ-like in their relationships, especially at home. May we as parents be reminded that our responsibility is great. If we ever need a ministry to serve in, this is it! That we are to be godly parents bringing our children up in the ways of the Lord (this is not to say that we do not serve in other areas of church life!). We do our best to discharge our parent duty and pray that God in his grace and mercy may save our children to serve Him!

Back to work soon...

I will be going back to work in December. After a wonderful 4 months of maternity (thanks to the pro-family policies by our Singapore government!) plus some annual leave which I had to utilise, I will be back to rushing between the office and home.

Unlike the previous time round when I was actually quite happy to go back to work after 3 months with En, I feel a little hesitant this time round. I have grown to enjoy the SAHM role this time round. Will En be able to cope with me back in the office? We have been spending so much time together playing, going out and doing stuff together during my maternity. En is also quite clingy around me recently (I suspect he is still adjusting to having a younger sibling at home) and gets fussy if I do not go to him when he calls. Apart from the above concern, I wonder how my boys will be when I go back to work.

I know that they will be in very good hands of my MIL and helper. They both love the boys. But, will I get to still catch the fun moments and silly expressions that En makes sometimes during the day? I will now have to rely on my MIL to tell me what he said or did that was funny or could possibly be a milestone-type of incident (like, "En said this 10-syllable word today"!). What about Yi? Will I miss his first steps? His tenth word?

I will have to rush from home to office, and from office back to home again, to ensure that travel time is minimal so that I can maximise my time with the boys at home. I wonder how things will be like.

May God provide me with all the memory-making moments to look back on despite having to work and be away from them half (or more than half) the time.