Don't Make Me Count to Three

I have just finished reading a book on discipline. It seems that this is the genre of books I purchase from my church's bookshelf these days. I just need to find a solution or method on discipline. Parents with toddlers from the age of 2 to 4 will testify to how challenging it can be dealing with an angsty, unpredictable little kid every day. In such cases, I highly recommend this book by Ginger Plowman. I am easily bought over by appearances at times and the title and picture on the front of this book called out to me when I passed by it at church.

It first recognises that discipline is a heart issue. Plowman's starting point is the same as that of Tedd Tripp's in his famous book, "Shepherding a Child's Heart." The heart of the problem is the problem of the heart so she says (a very quotable kind of quote!). Children are born sinful for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God (Rom 3:23). Thank God for his revelation of this in His Word. Remember, it applies to children as well! So, we have to tackle the sinful heart and not just correct the child's behaviour. As Christian parents, we are best placed to mould the child's heart and drive folly away (for Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, see Proverbs 22:15). Discipline is not just about spanking them when the child does wrong. It is about moulding their hearts through our decisive action of correcting their wrong and teaching them what is right.

There are many practical tips as well in this book, which is simple to read and easy to digest.

Some of my takeaways from this book:

>>I realised that when I tell En not to do the wrong thing, I fail to Get him to Do the right thing. Recently, I make En re-do the thing that was wrong rather then just telling him, "Next time, you must do .... " It sticks better in their mind when they get into the routine of doing the right thing. Children need to know that if they do not do the wrong act, what they can replace it with.

>> Children have to obey immediately. Its crucial that they do so straightaway and not dwadle or negotiate your command away. En is really good at distracting me sometimes when he knows he's in trouble. He will say: "Mama, I tell you something.. you know, I live in ...." and he will go on to relate some story totally unrelated to the wrong he's done! Children need to obey rightaway, it could save them from that car coming in their face when you tell them to STOP and not cross the road. Honestly, its really hard to get them to obey instantly. The key, I think, is in disciplining them when they fail to obey. (see next point).

>> Everytime the kid does wrong, we need to correct their heart and behaviour. En knows that I will beat his hand or spank his buttock, depending on severity of breach, if he misbehaves. It feels terrible to have to administer beating to him just when he is going to sleep, or when he is eating his food, but I conclude that it has to be done. I do feel that it has made a difference recently when I disciplined him calmly rather than let the matter pass. He knows that mama will not tolerate misbehaviour recently.

I will tell him, En, do you know what you did wrong? Sometimes he says yes and sometimes no. I will then tell him what the breach was, and say " Mama has to discipline you because you disobeyed Mama" (I usually give him one chance to obey by chanting the mantra first: see below). I will then ask him for his hand or ask him to lie face down over my lap. Its a due process sort of thing and he has come to expect the process. Often, he will protest and start to cry at the mention of discipline. I will still administer the spanking despite his protests. but I will first wait for him to clam down and stop crying. After I administer the spank, he may cry again and ask me to carry him. At this point, I offer reconciliation, make him say sorry for disobeying me and then I will pray with him, to ask God to help him obey mama.

>> I have been chanting this mantra to En the past week and he picked it up really fast, in two days! "Obey mummy right away, all the way and with a happy heart!". What a brilliant phrase that is! He seems brainwashed by it now.. hee. But more seriously, it helps him and me to cool down when he does an act I wish to correct. I will chant the mantra to him to give him grace to obey and comply with my command. Chanting the mantra, I think, helps remind him that he has to obey mama immediately (and not 15 minutes later!), all the way (no halfway obedience) and with a good attitude (cos the child may obey sulkily and ultimately, we want to train the child to obey us and God with a joyful heart.

>> As parents, we have to discipline our child and bring them up in the ways of the Lord. The author made a point which is to me, an epiphany of sort. When we train our child to obey us, it will make it easier for them to obey God when they grow older since they are used to obeying authority. I want so much for En and Yi to obey God in all aspects of their lives.

I can't say I have it all figured out. I do know that I am only beginning to understand a little of how this should work and hope that the sharing of my journey is helpful to other parents out there. Oh, do read this book! I think its quite excellent!

Jesus was born 2000 years ago

Blessed Christmas to my dear friends reading this blog. Today is Christmas day and this is my nativity scene sans wise men, camel and star. I had thought it would be a nice centrepiece on the coffee table and I could also share with En more about Jesus through these sculpey figurines. Alas, I overestimated the time and effort required to mould each of these figures, i.e., an average of 1.5 hours per figure! I often had to do it late at night after the boys were asleep and I could not finish the scene in time for Christmas.

This is a good time of the year to remember Jesus' birth.

WHY did he have to be born as a human baby?

---> so that he could experience what man went through on this earth and empathise with us and ultimately to reveal himself as God's Son and thereafter die on the cross

HOW did he come to be born?

-> God chose Mary, his humble servant, as a vessel to give birth to Jesus.

WHAT did he have to go through?

--> Jesus had to endure suffering, humiliation and finally abandonment from God for a moment when he was on the cross.

SO, what has this got to do with me?

--> "For unto you is born this day in the city of David a SAVIOUR, who is CHRIST THE LORD." Luke 2:11

--> For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

Check out a much more detailed presentation of Two Ways to Live by going to this website.

http://www.matthiasmedia.com.au/2wtl/2wtlonline.html

Personal reflection: I often take for granted my reconciled status with God. May God help me to keep looking to what Christ has done for me on the cross, that I may always express my gratefulness and thanksgiving to him through the service of my life.

Storytelling at Night

I will usually tell En one or two stories from the Little Dolphin series (read: made up stories) every night if I am the one helping him to sleep. Tonight and for the past week or so, I have been falling asleep everytime I tell him a story. I will be telling the story and all of a sudden, start mumbling some nonesense in my drowsy state, only to be awakened by En's shout of "Mummy!!" (together with some laughter from him). I feel really bad but also feel very tired.

I used to think it was more tiring staying at home all day with the boys. But now that I am back to work, I feel equally if not more tired in a different way. Its physically more tiring having to work, then come home to spend time with the boys. I think this explains why I fall asleep during storytelling at En's bedime. It is however more exhausting mentally, emotionally and physically during the days I am a stay home mum.

I am trying to be thankful for my family and my work. Its tough trying to achieve the right balance but regardless of how badly or well I am managing in the balancing act, God's grace is sufficient for me.

Playing Together

En mucking around with Di Di. Yi was having fun too as his older brothe "manipulated his round, baby head!

Christmas Tree!

This is our family's first Real, Live Christmas Tree! I realy like the decorations, most of which were picked out by my hubby with his discerning eye :)